Thursday, August 16, 2012

A right to vent...

As a mom, wife, daughter, sister, HUMAN... I get the right to vent without people texting,emailing or leaving comments that are as childish as ever. Im going to vent but if you cant handle an adult woman venting stop reading. Must will say " Oh man I have been there or I am there right now". Just because I vent doesnt mean I dont like my calling as the things said above. I cherish them all. But every once in awhile it builds up and BAM it needs to come out.

 Im running on  a little over an hours sleep from last night. The last few months Laurabeth has been up 6 plus times at night to either nurse like a newborn or just lay on me knowing she can nurse when she feels her head come close to my jugs. As I love nursing and the blal blah blah I went out last night and bought the formula and a bottle. Yes the toxic powder I hear you are to never give to your baby because Oh my it horrid. Got home to have my husband with is popping out of his head because I left the 3 little middle littles with him for 40 mins and they went crazy on him. Well I made that horrid bottle and even stuffed oatmeal in the dang thing. Having high hopes of her settling into my lap and laying there looking at me while she sucked that bottle dry. For real she was screaming like I was pulling her teeth. She threw the bottle across the room over and over again. She wailed like moms boobs were now a thing of the past. It was so bad! She didnt take one drop of the beloved bottle. I ended up waking up 7 times and nursing 7 times all night long. My mind is shot and im NO good today! I told Jeff I was moving Jolenes crib in our room and then Lauras crib in her room and she WILL cry it out tonight. Praising GOd I only have one neighbor who already im sure thinks Im nuts but she has a baby the same age as Laura so hearing a baby cry at night will not alarm her.
 I HATE that everyday of every freaking morning I have to give a DETAILED list of things to my older 2 kids. Its like every night when they hit the pillow it somehow strips their memory and we start over. Everyday they have to be told do their chores, every detail of that said chore has to be given. Im shocked everyday I dont have to remind them to wipe their butts! You would think with by now they would have this down. I guess I need my mom here every morning to tell me to get Laura and change her diaper, feed her and all the other kids because I cant do it with that detailed voice reminder.
 Im sick and tired of the WORLD cramming poison down my kids throat. I hate every thing we buy theres dyes and crap in it. My child has an ulcer and NO body listens to what he can and cant have even ME! Who in there right mind would even ALLOW food or drinks down his throat if it was slowly causing him to end up back in the hospital. Well im the only one to blame because im weak and stupid. I allowed it over and over again and now my child is hacking up acid and cant swallow again. Its me who listens to him cry for a soda or a snack food and I give him. I have let him down. I hate that I now have to eat fruits and veggies and cant enjoy a nice greasy hamburger because I decided to not lose weight in between my baby making periods. Now I suffer from being fat and I feel like dog crap. I hate that now I must work out everyday and even though I enjoy working out and kickboxing only picturing the person I hate the must while slamming the punch and kick, I hate it. Only because I have to do because I need to lose weight. Id love to have another baby or babies but I cant right now because im so stinking fat!
 I also im sooo upset over the fact my husband doesnt see that I actually truly work my ass off. Im sorry who takes care of the kids 24/7, cooks, makes sure your lunch is packed and ready for you, who does the laundry so when you open your dresser you have clothes, or scrubs the toilet after many boys come in and piss all over not only the lid but the wall and fall.Who makes dinner ever night? Even after I make dinner and spent my time doing it you still sit at the table and spit it out like I feed you cat food. Nice hun nice!!
 I even hate the fact im blogging right now. Who really reads this blog? Who wants to read a blog about a crazy redneck mom and her wild Indians. Right now I have my 4 year screaming in my ear that he is dying because I wont turn the tv on and give him milk. Oh man I have a love hate relationship with the tv! I love that they can watch nice shows but I hate that every freaking break is a half naked woman having sex with a new food they came out with. Really people. Cant you do better than that???

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