Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Are we there yet?!

Mud is good for a girls skin.
Here is my husbands burnt apartment. His is on the left bottom. Under the porch with the 2 windows you can our sofa and the upstairs floor on it. The whole building is gutted and they will be knocking it down this week. His bedroom is the far left window with the gutter hanging in it.
My favorite moments....

Those are the words I say to myself alot. Are we there yet? Meaning am I were I want to be as a mother, a wife, a friend, a stranger? I have spent a good part of my life always in the shadow or running in my head the thoughts of am I enough or good enough for?? I became a mom at 15 gave birth at 16. I was young but I knew God made me a mom for a reason and I grabbed that and ran with it. I never gave a thought about what others thought about my parenting. I had my second child at 18. Again knowing full well what I was doing. Never thought twice about a dang thing and my oldest kids are some AMAZING kids! I was relaxed and a free spirit about things. Learning was outside and enjoyable. I was a single mom from the get go. But I had an awesome mom and family for support. Some how I managed to lose my joy and free spirit for a few years and lost the person I was. I lost the feeling of love and became so wrapped up in what everyone thought and on my goodness how I raised my kids. We lost the JOY of what parenting really is. I lost the laughs, the pure awww feeling when my child did something. Until recently. My sister a bunch of weeks ago was talking to me about how she never let anyone tell her this and that about her family and she dont care what others think because its her family etc.... Thats when I remembered well duhhhh what the heck I was I doing for these past couple years. I lost a good 2 years of caring what people had planned for us and what they thought on my parenting. Im not trying to mean but now its like shut up please! I dont care if what we are doing isnt your idea of cool or popular. I dont care if you think we are weird backwoods freaks. We are finally happy, finally we know what clicks and what doesn't. I make the plans, I decide if we watch this or not. We have laughs we have smiles, we have peace and we have LOVE back in this house.Knowing my husband will back home and with is makes our smile a little bigger( maybe after the first few weeks of getting a routine with him.) I have relaxed on alots.Im a loud person in general always have been and that wont change. Although im sure my kids have moments when they wish id be quiet! I need to work on being a little more soft. Ill work on that. My biggest change was the way we school. Again not all my children are relaxed learners. Hannah is very text bookie. But for my Cody its been along 5 years of schooling and we honestly haven't gotten very far. For a while there I was unschooling him and he did amazing and loved learning without knowing he was doing "school". Then those nasty years came in and I thought I was doing it wrong and bam we hit a road. Im not unschooling him now but we no longer use the text books on him. I have an English book for myself and thats it. I have him write bible verses, poems, stories anything to get him writing. HE DOESN'T COMPLAIN! We are doing Prairie Primer again only because HE loves it and I though lots into for him. He likes learning again. Yes thats right my stub burn book throwing pencil breaking child likes his school again! Oh my oh my. People I have to tell you I feel wonderful as a parent again and its so nice to laugh with my kids. The messes are always here and thats just a season for this. I have a house of littles and littles causes messes. If you cant handle that then you dont need to come over and WASTE my time. I cant always have a clean and spotless house and be a happy mom also. If you can awesome, but for me I can do the dishes after they go to bed, im going to take that walk they want. I can laundry later, im going to play that card game they want. Of course we still teach our children we have chores and we must work before play BUT in a relaxed way. Dont like? Thats ok it works for us. We are happy and content.
Ok enough of that. Last week my husbands apartment building burnt down and he lost everything that he had there. Which was alot because he has been in Indiana for 18 months now. He got out and just watched the fire take that building to nothing. It was by far a scary night for me being 4 hours away and not being able to hold him and touch him and know FOR SURE he as ok. But the kids and me did go there for few days and got him into a new bigger apartment for the last few weeks of him working outa state with out us. I got there and had to do the wife pat down on him so I knew for sure he was 100% ok! He was! We also got a new home for our dog Buzz. He is a black lab mix and a guy wanted to train him to be a duck hunter. Praise God for that. We didnt have the time to train him and he is such a good dog. We miss him but know he is in a good home. I got chickens and a turkey now under the light hoping that a fox doesnt come again and kill them all.Last year we lost my whole flock to a wild animal. Not this year! Alright I better go I have wild Indians running around here. P.S...... YES WE ARE THERE :)

Sunday, March 11, 2012

One stitch at a time...

The thread that is life started coming undone one stitch at a time when my husband took an out a state job. The first night he left for the first week long stay was a little over 18 months ago. That was stitch one undone. Since that time we have or should I say the children and I, have moved into the home my husband built, added a new baby, had a child diagnosed with Asperger's, had serious child training issues etc. I have been depressed more than ever.One stitch at a time we slowly fall apart but I cant complain because while all this is being done my husband is out of state working his butt off so we can have all we need. He is amazing. AMAZING! He never complains about working or this and that. But he is now to the point where he HATES IT. Can you imagine for a minute trying to leave the house with a wife and 6 kids crying for you to stay? With a 5 year wrapped around your legs begging you not to leave? How about a 4 year old at your feet asking and begging for all of us to go with? A 2 year old waving good bye because her WHOLE life this has been her normal? This will no longer happen to my family. In a few weeks my husband will be home. My kids will longer beg their daddy to stay. My kids can have all 3 meals with their mom AND daddy. I will have that much needed support at home. I will get a BREAK! SO we wont have a pay check coming during this time, but we aren't worried about it. God has us on this path and we fully take it. Theres huge reasons behind the 18 months of being apart, what it is we dont know. Maybe is the fact we realized how important family is. Maybe it was for the closeness my husband and the Lord have now. Maybe it was to see if my hair can change to ALL gray in 18 months. We dont know the reason why but we know God is good and He is leader of family. We follow. Tonight was I think my hardest night of saying goodbye. Im a basket case and so over whelmed with everything. Im so relieved that the next job out a state we all will be going. Makes it so much easier to handle.
What im thinking: Why a time change?
What im praying: For Carol who is 9 with cancer and on my mind. Her sweet brothers.My grandma who is 95 and having retaining water.
What im hearing: fish tank going and TV on.The noise from the hwy is loud tonight.
What we will do this week: Monday we have the bank,library and Hannahs day at the stables.Tuesday another day for Hannah at the stables. Wednesday Royal Rangers for Cody. Thursday dentist and chiropractor.Friday Dare to Share for Hannah and sleep over at grandmas for Cody.
Learning room: Im loving the curriculum change with Cody. No more text books and it feels so good. We are doing The Prairie Primer again but this time doing it in order and the whole thing. He loves it! The homeschooling expo is coming up and Im so excited.
What im reading: ?
Cooking: Tomorrow Ill be doing bread and English muffin bread. Homemade butter.
Changes around here: ALOT.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Because I can!

2 of my boys waiting for the horses to come to them.
Ethan with the horse he will ride for his therapy. The contentedness with horses for children with Aspergers is so amazing. Hannah is volunteering there twice a week to help with horses around the barn.Such a blessing.
My sister Amber and my 2 year old Jolene.
Im beautiful yes I know :)
Hannah banana grating our soap for laundry.
So we have struggled for 5 years now on how to get my country boy to comprehend what he is reading. Everyday we pulled out the text books and sat down to what is an agonizing few hours of trying to read and worksheets and quizzes only to find he cant remember what we read. Who says your child child needs to spend x time in a text book? Who says our quizzes cant be fun and verbal? Why cant we have tests that are hands on? We parents get caught up in the everyday life and we go through our schooling in a box and think this what we are suppose to do. Ummm I homeschool because I don't want my kids to learn like the public school. I don't want someone telling me this is how tests are suppose to be given or I have to even give them. I hate tests. I didn't like them in school so why I do I feel the need to give them to my children? Yes in high school they need them but from 8th down I think not. As homeschoolers we have to remember WE choose HOW WE LEARN. No one but my husband will be in charge of what we do. My son doesn't do well with text books at all. He lights up when we read library books and we go outside and explore with our books. He loves being in the kitchen and making math come to his hands. He doesn't learn a thing sitting at the table trying to read a boring science lesson. So what do I do now for school with him? We switched over to unit studies. i have guide lines I go by with what WE feel he should be learning right now and we go with it. Right now we are learning about birds. we put feeders up and got books and posters on the different birds in our state. For art he goes down to the creek with his notebook and sits quietly watching. This is my mans happy place. He comes flying through the door with excitement telling me all about what he saw. He learns so much more this way. Its amazing. I have an older daughter who is all text books and cant learn any other way. She thrives from having a text book and lessons in front her. Its all about the child and what works for them. My kindergartners are just in the swing of things. They like it all. With My Fathers World K its so working for them. I'm writing this post just to remind you homeschooling mommy's that if your teaching isn't working then change it. Thats one reason we teach at home, so we can let our children grow the way God intended them to. Each child has a different learning path and its our job to find and let it grow. So it took me 5 years with this one but theres a reason for it......ill let you know when I find it :)

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