A right to vent...

As a mom, wife, daughter, sister, HUMAN... I get the right to vent without people texting,emailing or leaving comments that are as childish as ever. Im going to vent but if you cant handle an adult woman venting stop reading. Must will say " Oh man I have been there or I am there right now". Just because I vent doesnt mean I dont like my calling as the things said above. I cherish them all. But every once in awhile it builds up and BAM it needs to come out.

 Im running on  a little over an hours sleep from last night. The last few months Laurabeth has been up 6 plus times at night to either nurse like a newborn or just lay on me knowing she can nurse when she feels her head come close to my jugs. As I love nursing and the blal blah blah I went out last night and bought the formula and a bottle. Yes the toxic powder I hear you are to never give to your baby because Oh my it horrid. Got home to have my husband with is popping out of his head because I left the 3 little middle littles with him for 40 mins and they went crazy on him. Well I made that horrid bottle and even stuffed oatmeal in the dang thing. Having high hopes of her settling into my lap and laying there looking at me while she sucked that bottle dry. For real she was screaming like I was pulling her teeth. She threw the bottle across the room over and over again. She wailed like moms boobs were now a thing of the past. It was so bad! She didnt take one drop of the beloved bottle. I ended up waking up 7 times and nursing 7 times all night long. My mind is shot and im NO good today! I told Jeff I was moving Jolenes crib in our room and then Lauras crib in her room and she WILL cry it out tonight. Praising GOd I only have one neighbor who already im sure thinks Im nuts but she has a baby the same age as Laura so hearing a baby cry at night will not alarm her.
 I HATE that everyday of every freaking morning I have to give a DETAILED list of things to my older 2 kids. Its like every night when they hit the pillow it somehow strips their memory and we start over. Everyday they have to be told do their chores, every detail of that said chore has to be given. Im shocked everyday I dont have to remind them to wipe their butts! You would think with by now they would have this down. I guess I need my mom here every morning to tell me to get Laura and change her diaper, feed her and all the other kids because I cant do it with that detailed voice reminder.

 Im sick and tired of the WORLD cramming poison down my kids throat. I hate every thing we buy theres dyes and crap in it. My child has an ulcer and NO body listens to what he can and cant have even ME! Who in there right mind would even ALLOW food or drinks down his throat if it was slowly causing him to end up back in the hospital. Well im the only one to blame because im weak and stupid. I allowed it over and over again and now my child is hacking up acid and cant swallow again. Its me who listens to him cry for a soda or a snack food and I give him. I have let him down. I hate that I now have to eat fruits and veggies and cant enjoy a nice greasy hamburger because I decided to not lose weight in between my baby making periods. Now I suffer from being fat and I feel like dog crap. I hate that now I must work out everyday and even though I enjoy working out and kickboxing only picturing the person I hate the must while slamming the punch and kick, I hate it. Only because I have to do because I need to lose weight. Id love to have another baby or babies but I cant right now because im so stinking fat!
 I also im sooo upset over the fact my husband doesnt see that I actually truly work my ass off. Im sorry who takes care of the kids 24/7, cooks, makes sure your lunch is packed and ready for you, who does the laundry so when you open your dresser you have clothes, or scrubs the toilet after many boys come in and piss all over not only the lid but the wall and fall.Who makes dinner ever night? Even after I make dinner and spent my time doing it you still sit at the table and spit it out like I feed you cat food. Nice hun nice!!
 I even hate the fact im blogging right now. Who really reads this blog? Who wants to read a blog about a crazy redneck mom and her wild Indians. Right now I have my 4 year screaming in my ear that he is dying because I wont turn the tv on and give him milk. Oh man I have a love hate relationship with the tv! I love that they can watch nice shows but I hate that every freaking break is a half naked woman having sex with a new food they came out with. Really people. Cant you do better than that???

10 things or more about me

We are in the middle of our second week of the new school year. This year we are relaxed and I finally know what we like. BOOKS. No text books, just books. To see Cody fly through his day without meltdowns and him smiling because he likes it, is just priceless. I was doing a little freak out when I was researching for Hannah. She will be in 9th grade next year and I was freaking out on how to keep records. Well after speaking with a few women and reading on, I found out that I can breathe again. She is far beyond 8th grade level right now and I feel comfortable with placing her in high school reading. She can take her many subjects now for it. My only other freak out was, how do I log and keep test scores when we don't text or have a curric??? No biggie at all. People all over the United States school like we do and they just happen to have blogs and websites on it for people like me who FREAK! But again I'm not freaking out anymore. If I do my husband would be oh so happy to smack me back to normal.
 The little boys started K with MFW and love it. we had to slow the letters down for them. Going way to fast for them. Thats another reason we love homeschooling, we CHOOSE how fast slow they go. we love MFW so very much. THe letter introduction is a little fast paced but once we get the the Units passed Creation it will be better. the big kids are doing MFW CtG and LOVE IT! I had to add so many books into the book basket to keep them going. Nothing to say we had to tweek just yet on it for them. They have been doing the timeline. we place it along our hallway wall. A good 7 feet of timeline. Today they were reading about Noah and they made a big drawing of the Ark. They turned out really good.
 The Missouri heat has been unbelievable these last few weeks. I do like my warm weather for nature hikes,swimming and early park time but give me a break! I have a baby that is teething and if she is outside to long WAMMM her fever goes crazy and that makes for a crabby and I refuse to have a crabby baby. ( in my world). So we play outside in the morning and the evenings and make schooling happen in between. My husband has been outside for like 11 hours everyday building and working on a new retaining wall and patio area. I cant wait for the patio to be poured. Its huge and the kids can ride their scooter and bikes on it IN THE SHADE. Makes me happy. we have been really blessed by our American Sycamore tree out back. It gives us a massive amount of shade all day so I can put Laurabeths pool over there an she is good. Im a sun lover and I prefer to be in direct sun whenever im outside. Shade is for babies :)No just kidding. The hubs and me sit out under our beloved tree and watch the kids play. Making memories. My willow trees are doing wonderful!!! I water them every night and they just dance around me. Im going to plant a few of them once we gt the playground in place. I want the four corners of the playground to have a weeping willow. They remind of a book. Very beautiful they are.
 So I see all the bloggers are posting "10 things you may not know what me", so Ill do the same.

1.) I love Jesus like crazy and pray all day long. We do not attend church. We do our bible studies at home. we fellow the Holy Days and some find that weird and not Christian like.HAHA Ok people whatever.

2.) I love tattoos and rock n roll.Id have a sleeve of tats if I had the time to get it done. I can listen to Poison and GunsNroses all day. I also love my JOY FM. I love listening to Adrian Rodgers in the morning. I have a mouth like a sailor BUT will not be a sailor in front of kids. At least your kids.

3.) I love long skirts! No a religious thing, just makes me feel pretty.

4.) Everyone in this house is addicted to Little House on the Prairie. e even named our last baby Laura Elizabeth. Wish we could have lived back then but with electric.

5.) When getting ready to take a shower I always look in the mirror and giggle my belly. Why not?

6.) I have found that alot of homeschoolers are really rather snobby. They are the first to judge and the first to preach the walk they aren't walking. Keep it real people.

7.) I love soda. Its so bad for me and I know it. I hate that! I have no self control over it. I so love a nice cold coke and lots of ice. I know I know. I go to the chiro all the time and she a dietitian and I KNOW I'm a big girl and don't need you to tell me the wrongs about it.

8.) I love me husband ALOT! Why we don't have 100 kids is beyond us. He is hot and makes me feel like a teenager. Cant help it. I make him laugh like he is a little kid and I LOVE hearing him laugh! He is a handful almost everyday but im pretty much a pit viper so it equals out.

9.) I have a daughter that amazes at her abilities. I had her right after I turned 16. She is BY FAR the best girl I have ever met.

10.) I wish I had met Jeff right after I had Cody so our kids wouldn't have been 5 years apart. I wish I had 10 kids.

11.) If I could id live in the middle of nowhere, living off my land, with horse and buggy. Id love to start my own town from back in the day. Before the stupids entered the world. But again with electric.

12.) If you stop by my house you are more than likely to see kids naked or in their underwear. They are always in dirt.

 My husband showing the kids how NOT to eat a goldfish.

 Little boys working on their creation pages.

 Ethan working on his patterns

 Laurabeth just got her ears done :)

 Laurabeth and me.

 This is Cody. this child works like must MEN dream about. He works next to his dad and doesn't even complain. Then he helps our friend every evening with her horses. Love this little guy!

 Chase taking Laurabeth for ride.

 Hannah though she was a little child and could climb the playground. She did.Below is my dad showing Hannah how to use his gun. Start young and they will respect the GUN.

13.) I have a child with Asperger's and he is the light of our house. He love Jesus and loves telling the stories of the bible to us.

14.) I nurse my babies until they stop. Could be 6 months could be 4 years. Get over it.

15.) We cloth diaper.

Summer days

 Cody said I take to many pictures so he wasnt going to smile for it! But he was having fun.

 Jeff helping Ethan last night shoot his pull pop.

 THe 3 boys doing their pull pops. It is way to dry for real fireworks for us. Our nieghbors had there HUGE fireworks show last night. It was awesome but we were praying it didnt catch the trees on fire.

 Hannah being cool shooting hers ;)

 I cant tell if this is Ethan or Chase swimming???? Im thinking Chase because his hair is a little lighter than Ethans....

 we have been picking blackberries every morning and getting a gallon at a time. Now they are all gone or dried up.

 Laurabeth eating and being so cute. See her teeth? Oh my she is cute!!!

 My husband, yep he is hot, just looking at him causes babies!

 Jolene the night I said " Jolene you need bath." So as Im changing the baby Jolene climbs into the sink turns the water one and plug it up and sits right down. She thought it was great to be like the baby. Below is Laurabeth at her 9 month photoshoot. Wait until you see all the pictures.

Its hot people! But thats alright. Its a dry heat so we don't get soaked as soon we go out like years before. we have been swimming, playing, hanging with family and friends.My garden was I guess made for wildlife because they have eaten everything in it so I gave it up until next year.Dang animals! All my hard work and tears and sweat for you! Nice fat deer running around here somewhere. we sure do like deer meat and we plan to get the fat thing this winter! Lots going on here and we are excited to tell you.....the husband is home!! Wooohooo!! His last day was last Thursday. It has been so nice having him here. Family time has picked up were we left off 2 years ago. Whats funny is Jeff has been living out of his tote boxes since we moved here and he is just NOW getting to use his dressers. The kids and me moved here by ourselves after her finished it and was gone so stinking much with work never got a chance to be really here. Ethan has been a totally different child. Yes he still melts down and does the normal stuff he does BUT he now sleeps in his room with his brother! daddy is his security blanket so to say and he knows daddy is here and not leaving so he totally feels secure here at last! Ahhhh with Ethan and Chase out of our bed we now actually can sleep next to each other!! We have had one or 2 kids in our bed for the last 5 years!!! We are 150% all for the family bed and parent attachment but with having Jeff gone for so long I was like " time to get outa my bed and let mommy and daddy be!! Routine has been easy so far. We are on a 2-3 week from school. we finished up our school year last week. I needed a break to get ready for the new school year. really looking forward to the CMM this year and no text books. Well math but you homeschoolers know what I mean ;)
 Hannahbanana got contacts earlier this week and she looks so good in them. Nice to see her face again. She loves them. We watched her put them in she was so scared because we were all watching. She looks way older now so I must watch out for those boys!
 We had the best 4th of July yesterday with family and friends and at my sisters house. Loads of swimming and eating and more eating and swimming. So many babies and kids it was like every time I turned my back there would be another 10 kids show up. It was so much fun. The kids did watermelon eating contest ( Cody won I think), sack races, apple bobbing and the 3 legged race. Pure fun! My mom got pictures so I will post them once she gives them to me, I was in the pool with Laurabeth the whole time. She is my brown sugar baby. Darker than anyone I know! Lucky!
 we have our summer projects in full swing right. Although my husband bobcat broke and now we are waiting on a part for that so the retaining wall is waiting.... we are pouring a nice patio out back and a side walk out there also. Then we will make the bed rooms and bath room downstairs. Along with the schoolroom that needs finishing. we have to put up a playground for the kids.....my mind just went blank on what we plan to do. Hate that ! Oh Jeff did get my clothes line up so my diapers are seeing alot of sun finally. Boy did they need that!
 Laurabeth is 9 months already!! She has 2 bottom teeth and can sit on her own. we in NO WAY put her on the floor for the simple reason of JOLENE.She loves a little to much. Playpen or we play with her on my bed that way if Jolene wants to play and wants to love alittle to much the bed saves her from any really damage. really. Jolene talks more than any 2 year old I have ever met. she is always telling us stories and talking about her Aunt Girlfriend( Amber). Jolene is just to cute for her own good.
 Dad took 4 of the kids to the movies and I have the 2 little girls who are still napping so I must go and do my computer blog reading now.

Daybook Entry

Daybook Thursday, June 7,2012


 Outside my window: The sun is shining on my face and hear the baby birds chirping. Id love to open my windows but it gets sticking really fast and I'm not a fan of that.

What I am thinking: About my husband who comes home tonight and im so sick of having him away. I cant complain to him though because he is the one away from us missing all the kids. He has missed Laurabeths first tooth,first sit, first dada, mama etc...its hard.Its old.It sucks!

What I am thankful for:Coffee, My Fathers World, my mom, my coffee.

From the schoolroom: We are in Kenya this week for MFW. We have sooo many hours to do its causing stress on me. I know we have those hours already and we are actually over in hours BUT its not the hours I need. We need math hours! And not really hours its the lessons we are behind in. Cody finished his math book.Hannah is almost 100 lessons behind! All the days of her sleeping in,sleep overs, grandmas, just not doing it has caught up to her and now its math all the time for her!! I keep going over my hours and I we have over our 1000 hours we need. BUT not lessons. She has to get that book done. Its the only text book we do so COME ON!

From the kitchen:French vanilla coffee smells awesome in the morning. I'm going to make cinnamon rolls this morning. I also need to mop today.
What I am wearing: A nursing gown. All nursing Mommy's should have one or 2 of these. Yes your husband will make fun of you and say things like " haha my mom use to wear those.That means your old." Ya I get that alot from him. But when you can un button in the dark with one hand while holding the baby at 2 am it works and works well!

 What I am reading:Charlotte Mason companion again.

What I am hoping: That my kids love me. I know they do but I want them to view me as a joyful mother. Not the mean mom who let them do this and that. I hope the enjoy the time we spend together.

What I am praying:That my husband finds a job here in Missouri. I pray that I lose all the baby weight this year and keep it off. I pray my moms knee gets better so Cody stops showing me everyday how Grandma walks.( hahah sorry mom). I pray Hannah gets her math done!

I am hearing: The sound of PBS on the TV and theres NO kids awake.

What I am creating:Good Christian kids who love their family and the Lord. Im also trying to create that Brazilian Butt they keep showing me at 2 am on TV. I have been doing and I have to say my underwear fit different already! I have a fat mom butt so it will be nice to see anything but that mom butt in the mirror!

Around the house:Hahaha that's funny. Toys, toys, pillows and blankets from the war the kids had yesterday. Today ill focus on cleaning a little because Jeff doesn't like to come to a mess. But then again it take him like 24 hours to readjust to being around his LARGE family. the noise level is whats hard for him. Me I'm a loud person so must of the time it doesn't bother me. I do send him outside ALOT when he gets crabby about it. I'm mean like that!

Our plans for the rest of week:School today and tomorrow. Tomorrow evening we are heading to Wentzville to buy to more power wheel jeeps for the littles. Then we are heading to St.Peters with the trailer to pick up A BUNCH of outside toys. A new slide, play house etc... Saturday we heading to my sisters for swimming. Cody will stay there for a sleepover for a boys night with the mighty Ms.Hannah is goingto grandmas for a sleepover after we leave my sisters for her grandma fix;). Sunday I spend doing laundry for the husband and preparing the kids for his departure again.

More thoughts: I have been working out everyday.This is week 2 almost week 3. I feel way good and it helps me stay calm when things around here get crazy. I have learned that running all over the place is our number 1 cause of stress on Ethan and me. Yesterday we had a playdate at the park and it was much needed for us all. But as soon as we got home I had to run to the store because even though I had just went Sunday we were out of everything and thats not good. So I ran to the store with a few of the kids. Once back, unloading is stressful for Ethan because he sees all this food and his mind goes crazy. He is our Aspergers child and things like this are melt down times. I have been really good this past month or alittle while longer with staying home. We run on Tusdays for library and music lessons. Wednesday in the even we have Royal Rangers. Other than that unless we have a one playdate or a feildtrip we are home. If we plan a playdate during the week we wont have a fieldtrip and vis versa. We not only get everything done that needs to be done but the melt downs are way less and routine with eating, nap and school are in place and makes the days go much eaiser. Also we have cut out the sleep overs during the week. As much I love my kids to have that fun it just doesnt work for us. Yes there will be days on the weekends for that but not week days. we just get to to far behind. We have enjoys our weekends together that for sure!

Beautiful Morning

 This was last week for Art. They were doing an oil pastel of birds

 Cody riding Grandma JJs horse

 Queen Jolene. Below is Cody and Hannah doing there fresh water/salt water experiment.

Its a beautiful morning here Missouri. The birds are singing to me and the sun is shining though the window on my face. I have been awaking up and nursing the baby/changing diapers and then going straight to my workout. Im in week 2 and loven it. I knew once my depression past, id get right back into a workout routine and obsess about it. Im not a fat person on the inside. Unfortunately just the outside. I have always been a workaholic. I would run that treadmill like it was nothing. Id weightlift like nobodies business. Then God blessed me with 4 more babies BACK TO BACK and I never got a chance to work out. Until the depression went bye bye and the joy of working out came back. I love waking up and sweating. I love that when I work out my body shakes because I worked it hard. It makes me smile. Once you do that in the mornings, you feel amazing ALL day long. It changes the way you eat, think and act towards you children. My goal long term is get down down to the size I was when Jeff and I first got together. If I was smart I would have continued to workeven after I became preggers. I'm making short goals for myself. By my birthday I wont to be down 2 sizes. By Jolenes 3rd birthday I want to be down 50pounds. Im making realistic goals. Im very excited to soon have my double chin GONE! Hopefully soon because I HATE IT!
 This morning we have a playdate at the park with some friends and then we will come back and crank out the school work. we are in Kenya for MFW ECC. We are spending the summer finishing up ECC we stopped back in 2010. YES I know. Don't say it! That way when Sept comes we can start CtG and K and keep with the planner on that. Cody is doing amazing! This is like night and day for day him. Once we stopped text book work the fun of learning came running into our house. He is learning WAY more from living books and art than ever. Its so nice to hear him read and enjoy it. His math is coming along and we finished his math book. Now we are getting ready to start the next booklets and get caught up to were his dad wasn't him to be at. Hannah is doing wonderful. She reads while she cleans,shower, watches littles,mows the lawn, you get the idea, She is never with out a book. Math for her is always ok. We are using Saxon and now have a love hate with that. We are switching her over to booklets with Cody only because the explain the steps better than Saxon. I refuse to buy the cd rom for her math with Saxon because we have heard mix reviews on it. She can log on the computer and type in her question and get help for FREE on some sites. Free is always better for a homeschoolng family.She has put her text books away and turned to CM learning along with Cody. We wont do anymore text in this house EVER AGAIN! MFW is just amazing and I love when I say its time for school they grab books and sit and read. I ask questions and read aloud with to them. My littles LOVE to hear a big person book. They ask more questions about the books than anyone. Books that are WAY above them but they get it. Read to your kids books that are meant for older kids because they listen and in my opinion learn a ton.
 I must get up and get moving, The sun is just soooo nice and warm on my face right now. I hope you all have a blessed day and enjoy the weather with your kiddos :)

Finally.

Its been awhile huh? Thats all right we have been busy and happy. Doing family things finally again and enjoying the nice weather. The month of May has been amazing. The depression that sat on me for so many months as long been gone and that my friends make my world a whole lot easier. I enjoy all my kids again and husband. I no longer dread the outings or the get togethers. I love schooling again. I love we switched back to My Fathers World and threw the texts books out the window. Well not math. I love the way my kids call it " fun school". I love that Art is now a family favorite. We still have some things to tweak and work on but thats homeschool for ya.
 So the month of May brought us a family reunion on my husband side. It was a time of horse back riding,eating,talking,basketball you name it we did it. It was so nice. It also brought us a time to go fishing and relax and my sister in laws summer home get away. It was there we got the big kids a 2 seater go cart from my nephew. I must all my kids are now wanting to be race car driver. We already had a one seater go cart and Cody used that until the sun went down for a few years so he was really happy to get a bigger nicer one ;) 
 We had a month of gardening, grass cutting, tree planting and lots of swimming already. Now my garden has been half eaten by a wild turkey and some deer! Now I must put a fence up around that. My mom and old kids have been building a big chicken coop for all my flock. Friday the worked on it for 9 HOURS! Boy I tell you they hit their pillows and were OUT! It looks so good so far. Ill post pic once it done. As much as Id like to be handy with them I have been busy as a bee in side with the kids. I have been making dinners for friends, trying out new bread recipes, cleaning and so on. I have been busy! But its a good busy because I enjoy this part of my life. I dreaded this for so many months you have no idea.Depression is such a horrid thing. Unless you have fully been through that, you cant understand the amount of sadness it brings. Its like the whole world has been lifted off my back and I can breathe again. Its amazing. I started working out again and that alone is doing me wonders. I turned back on BOT radio while baking and schooling in the mornings. AMAZING!
 Now on to my sweet children. Our oldest daughter ( my bonus child) turned 16!!! Yes you read that right. That makes my husband old!! Not me though.hehehe. She is also homeschooled and starting 11th grade. Wont be long and she will be college bound! SCARY!! Her mom is I'm sure is flipping! Whats even more wahhhhh is that at her age I was already a mother to my sweet Hannah. Now my Hannah will be 14 in Sept. OK maybe I am old! ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
 My husband is STILL working in Indiana. We are about tired of them saying " OK this will be it. The job will be closing down". Whatever. I have heard Jeff say only a few more weeks since October. I cant really complain because its income we bank. We are just ready to be together again as a family. 24/7.

 I'm sure I'm missing a ton to write about but I'm tired and have a sore eye. Laurabeth scratched my eye after a visit with the doc I have a drop to heal it. Its very blurry but getting better. I look like I have had pink eye for a year.Good times!

Doing it all WRONG

You read that right. I have been parenting all wrong for about a year now. Nothing like sitting in the bathroom room doing my morning bible reading without littles ( dont say ewww because I think all moms use the bathroom as a get away). I usually go to Matthew or Psalms but yesterday it flipped open to Proverbs 31. Now the Lord works like this all the time on me. I have been praying and praying for help in my parenting for so long and always feeling over loaded with the amount of stuff I have to do. I have turned into a complainer and whiner just plain ungrateful for my family. I lost my desire to be that helpmeet and mother. My life, what I live for is now, was, being smashed by the words and actions of the woman who cares must for them. I run from my house becasue its all so over whelming and chaos all the time. NOt all the time but alot. Well no duh Jen. How would you feel if a big ole woman with a loud voice was always complaining and yelling and never smiling and demanding this and that with no yeses or happy things to do? Someone always just over whelmed and not enjoyable. Then He layes this on me, Proverbs 31:26 "She speaks with wisdom, and on her tongue there is tender instruction.27 She keeps a close eye on her conduct of her family, ans she does not eat the bread of idleness." The Lord must love smacking because He does it alot to me. It hurts when the truth is right there and He shows you the damage. I know I always complain about the kids not listening and whinning blah blah blah. I was so up set that Jeff would leave every Sunday and Id be " stuck" home with 6 kids by myself now going on 2 years. When we lived in St.Clair I had no problems with my kids. I was happy and everything was under control. I could take all 5 kids out and they would listen like pros and I would have people saying " oh your kids are such good listeners and its amazing how well they do". Now I get Holy CRAP woman are you mad! Lock them up! Well not really like that but they are nuts! OR ARE THEY? I would veiw my kids and just look down on them like honestly you are going to act like that? Eveyr little thing they did or say would just send me over the top and Id start my complaining all day. What a nice day. NO! Man the Lord is good. He showed me the light AGAIN. My kids are so normal and they GIVE so much! I have always known how wonderful my older kids are with seving others outside this home. I have no questions about that. They would give you their shirt off there back if you wanted it. They are amazing! Cody and I butt heads like no one I know. we go around and round. Thats human nature. Thanks EVE! We have fights like little kids over school and respect and so on. Well here is an area He showed me light on also. How is Cody suppose to show respect to me if all I do is nit pick and complain? YEs I know he should just do it because im his mother and the Lord says of it. BUT we live in a fallen world and we as humans struggle with issues like this. It will always be there, the feeling of wanting to rebel against people (parents), I did. I did everything I could to go against my parents. It was just who I was. I was strong willed and flew with it. Sorry MOM! The part that I can help in now as a mother is to show the gentle side of this to him. Meaning, its my job to be gentle to him. Im a very strong loud person to begin with but I know how to be gentle when it comes to the proper why of handling disrespect or unruling kids. I did the gentle approch for years and my kids listened and I could take them out without needing to stop but the insane asylme. I know how to do this but the problem with this is I would always complain OUT LOUD and in FRONT OF MY KIDS. Now that just puts you up to fail. What are they seeing? A mom who doesnt like being mother, a mother who would rather be away from them, and just pure unhappy with life. Thats what those beautiful hearts see from the one person they spend every hour of their life with. Why would I wont my children to view me like that? Thats when Jesus decided it would be a great idea to smack me and almost bring me to my knees while I was on the pot! Yea like that! I can change this now that I see where I have been wrong. I even talked to my husband about this and he agreed I have been complaining alot lately. GRRRR. If I could rewind the last year I would. Words hurt alot and its not that I said mean things to my kids, its the always talking to them like they are in the way or such a handful. So I guess it was talking mean to them. How horrible is that? I repent and repent those times of weak mouth! And as I read this over its not like everyday was a bad day, it was a few. But those few days Id text my girlfriends for help and complain and complain or id call my mom and complain. That my friend is a bad choice because then they view your life s a mess and why do you keep having kids if they are so out a control kinda stuff. My kids arent outa control, its mother who needs to be fixed! OUCH! I dont like fixing things, exspecaially myself. Well theres no choice in the matter. My kids are my world and refuse to let my kids view me or even that motherhood is unjoyfull. Because its not. My kids are amazing and theres no dout about that. The Lord is good and will show us were we are doing wrong if we just listen. I dont alike of things right now, the big one is having my husband gone all the time. Its a downer. Really it is. Thats a huge for me. My house feels creepy with out him. I know I was ment to be a helpmeet and a mother and soooo get a Joy out of it. Its such a narrow path that we moms often fall off it. The good thing is our Lord is one that knock you right back on if you follow Him. Even if you dreft way a little to far, He will smack you so hard that you knocks you to your knees for awhile! He is good! Ephesians 3:14-21 14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.