Doing it all WRONG

You read that right. I have been parenting all wrong for about a year now. Nothing like sitting in the bathroom room doing my morning bible reading without littles ( dont say ewww because I think all moms use the bathroom as a get away). I usually go to Matthew or Psalms but yesterday it flipped open to Proverbs 31. Now the Lord works like this all the time on me. I have been praying and praying for help in my parenting for so long and always feeling over loaded with the amount of stuff I have to do. I have turned into a complainer and whiner just plain ungrateful for my family. I lost my desire to be that helpmeet and mother. My life, what I live for is now, was, being smashed by the words and actions of the woman who cares must for them. I run from my house becasue its all so over whelming and chaos all the time. NOt all the time but alot. Well no duh Jen. How would you feel if a big ole woman with a loud voice was always complaining and yelling and never smiling and demanding this and that with no yeses or happy things to do? Someone always just over whelmed and not enjoyable. Then He layes this on me, Proverbs 31:26 "She speaks with wisdom, and on her tongue there is tender instruction.27 She keeps a close eye on her conduct of her family, ans she does not eat the bread of idleness." The Lord must love smacking because He does it alot to me. It hurts when the truth is right there and He shows you the damage. I know I always complain about the kids not listening and whinning blah blah blah. I was so up set that Jeff would leave every Sunday and Id be " stuck" home with 6 kids by myself now going on 2 years. When we lived in St.Clair I had no problems with my kids. I was happy and everything was under control. I could take all 5 kids out and they would listen like pros and I would have people saying " oh your kids are such good listeners and its amazing how well they do". Now I get Holy CRAP woman are you mad! Lock them up! Well not really like that but they are nuts! OR ARE THEY? I would veiw my kids and just look down on them like honestly you are going to act like that? Eveyr little thing they did or say would just send me over the top and Id start my complaining all day. What a nice day. NO! Man the Lord is good. He showed me the light AGAIN. My kids are so normal and they GIVE so much! I have always known how wonderful my older kids are with seving others outside this home. I have no questions about that. They would give you their shirt off there back if you wanted it. They are amazing! Cody and I butt heads like no one I know. we go around and round. Thats human nature. Thanks EVE! We have fights like little kids over school and respect and so on. Well here is an area He showed me light on also. How is Cody suppose to show respect to me if all I do is nit pick and complain? YEs I know he should just do it because im his mother and the Lord says of it. BUT we live in a fallen world and we as humans struggle with issues like this. It will always be there, the feeling of wanting to rebel against people (parents), I did. I did everything I could to go against my parents. It was just who I was. I was strong willed and flew with it. Sorry MOM! The part that I can help in now as a mother is to show the gentle side of this to him. Meaning, its my job to be gentle to him. Im a very strong loud person to begin with but I know how to be gentle when it comes to the proper why of handling disrespect or unruling kids. I did the gentle approch for years and my kids listened and I could take them out without needing to stop but the insane asylme. I know how to do this but the problem with this is I would always complain OUT LOUD and in FRONT OF MY KIDS. Now that just puts you up to fail. What are they seeing? A mom who doesnt like being mother, a mother who would rather be away from them, and just pure unhappy with life. Thats what those beautiful hearts see from the one person they spend every hour of their life with. Why would I wont my children to view me like that? Thats when Jesus decided it would be a great idea to smack me and almost bring me to my knees while I was on the pot! Yea like that! I can change this now that I see where I have been wrong. I even talked to my husband about this and he agreed I have been complaining alot lately. GRRRR. If I could rewind the last year I would. Words hurt alot and its not that I said mean things to my kids, its the always talking to them like they are in the way or such a handful. So I guess it was talking mean to them. How horrible is that? I repent and repent those times of weak mouth! And as I read this over its not like everyday was a bad day, it was a few. But those few days Id text my girlfriends for help and complain and complain or id call my mom and complain. That my friend is a bad choice because then they view your life s a mess and why do you keep having kids if they are so out a control kinda stuff. My kids arent outa control, its mother who needs to be fixed! OUCH! I dont like fixing things, exspecaially myself. Well theres no choice in the matter. My kids are my world and refuse to let my kids view me or even that motherhood is unjoyfull. Because its not. My kids are amazing and theres no dout about that. The Lord is good and will show us were we are doing wrong if we just listen. I dont alike of things right now, the big one is having my husband gone all the time. Its a downer. Really it is. Thats a huge for me. My house feels creepy with out him. I know I was ment to be a helpmeet and a mother and soooo get a Joy out of it. Its such a narrow path that we moms often fall off it. The good thing is our Lord is one that knock you right back on if you follow Him. Even if you dreft way a little to far, He will smack you so hard that you knocks you to your knees for awhile! He is good! Ephesians 3:14-21 14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.