Doing it all WRONG

You read that right. I have been parenting all wrong for about a year now. Nothing like sitting in the bathroom room doing my morning bible reading without littles ( dont say ewww because I think all moms use the bathroom as a get away). I usually go to Matthew or Psalms but yesterday it flipped open to Proverbs 31. Now the Lord works like this all the time on me. I have been praying and praying for help in my parenting for so long and always feeling over loaded with the amount of stuff I have to do. I have turned into a complainer and whiner just plain ungrateful for my family. I lost my desire to be that helpmeet and mother. My life, what I live for is now, was, being smashed by the words and actions of the woman who cares must for them. I run from my house becasue its all so over whelming and chaos all the time. NOt all the time but alot. Well no duh Jen. How would you feel if a big ole woman with a loud voice was always complaining and yelling and never smiling and demanding this and that with no yeses or happy things to do? Someone always just over whelmed and not enjoyable. Then He layes this on me, Proverbs 31:26 "She speaks with wisdom, and on her tongue there is tender instruction.27 She keeps a close eye on her conduct of her family, ans she does not eat the bread of idleness." The Lord must love smacking because He does it alot to me. It hurts when the truth is right there and He shows you the damage. I know I always complain about the kids not listening and whinning blah blah blah. I was so up set that Jeff would leave every Sunday and Id be " stuck" home with 6 kids by myself now going on 2 years. When we lived in St.Clair I had no problems with my kids. I was happy and everything was under control. I could take all 5 kids out and they would listen like pros and I would have people saying " oh your kids are such good listeners and its amazing how well they do". Now I get Holy CRAP woman are you mad! Lock them up! Well not really like that but they are nuts! OR ARE THEY? I would veiw my kids and just look down on them like honestly you are going to act like that? Eveyr little thing they did or say would just send me over the top and Id start my complaining all day. What a nice day. NO! Man the Lord is good. He showed me the light AGAIN. My kids are so normal and they GIVE so much! I have always known how wonderful my older kids are with seving others outside this home. I have no questions about that. They would give you their shirt off there back if you wanted it. They are amazing! Cody and I butt heads like no one I know. we go around and round. Thats human nature. Thanks EVE! We have fights like little kids over school and respect and so on. Well here is an area He showed me light on also. How is Cody suppose to show respect to me if all I do is nit pick and complain? YEs I know he should just do it because im his mother and the Lord says of it. BUT we live in a fallen world and we as humans struggle with issues like this. It will always be there, the feeling of wanting to rebel against people (parents), I did. I did everything I could to go against my parents. It was just who I was. I was strong willed and flew with it. Sorry MOM! The part that I can help in now as a mother is to show the gentle side of this to him. Meaning, its my job to be gentle to him. Im a very strong loud person to begin with but I know how to be gentle when it comes to the proper why of handling disrespect or unruling kids. I did the gentle approch for years and my kids listened and I could take them out without needing to stop but the insane asylme. I know how to do this but the problem with this is I would always complain OUT LOUD and in FRONT OF MY KIDS. Now that just puts you up to fail. What are they seeing? A mom who doesnt like being mother, a mother who would rather be away from them, and just pure unhappy with life. Thats what those beautiful hearts see from the one person they spend every hour of their life with. Why would I wont my children to view me like that? Thats when Jesus decided it would be a great idea to smack me and almost bring me to my knees while I was on the pot! Yea like that! I can change this now that I see where I have been wrong. I even talked to my husband about this and he agreed I have been complaining alot lately. GRRRR. If I could rewind the last year I would. Words hurt alot and its not that I said mean things to my kids, its the always talking to them like they are in the way or such a handful. So I guess it was talking mean to them. How horrible is that? I repent and repent those times of weak mouth! And as I read this over its not like everyday was a bad day, it was a few. But those few days Id text my girlfriends for help and complain and complain or id call my mom and complain. That my friend is a bad choice because then they view your life s a mess and why do you keep having kids if they are so out a control kinda stuff. My kids arent outa control, its mother who needs to be fixed! OUCH! I dont like fixing things, exspecaially myself. Well theres no choice in the matter. My kids are my world and refuse to let my kids view me or even that motherhood is unjoyfull. Because its not. My kids are amazing and theres no dout about that. The Lord is good and will show us were we are doing wrong if we just listen. I dont alike of things right now, the big one is having my husband gone all the time. Its a downer. Really it is. Thats a huge for me. My house feels creepy with out him. I know I was ment to be a helpmeet and a mother and soooo get a Joy out of it. Its such a narrow path that we moms often fall off it. The good thing is our Lord is one that knock you right back on if you follow Him. Even if you dreft way a little to far, He will smack you so hard that you knocks you to your knees for awhile! He is good! Ephesians 3:14-21 14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Goodbye to our pioneer grandma Turner

Its been along 3 weeks for the family. 3 weeks of memories made that will cherished by all. Memories that are also sad that my grandma had to suffer the last few days of her life. Although I have those memories i know my mom took such good care of her I know that once my grandma made a sound of discomfort she was there to make the hurt go away. Rather it was by rubbing her legs or shoulders or giving her the medicine she needed to rest. Pioneer grandma was 95 when she past and she was one heck of a lady. Living in Montana you cant be weak or lazy. Grandma could and DID do it all. From hunting,gardening,canning, horses,kids etc that was her. It was last May when she started having problems breathing they think she might have had a stroke. She was winded all the time and just kinda went down hill from there. My mom got a call from her brother a few weeks ago and said she was doing ruff so my sister and brother cameon a road trip to Montana. Grandma went in the hospital and they said she running out of time. So what does my mom do? Books a plane ride for her and my grandma to Missouri. The doctors said she ad maybe 4 months to live out her life. My mom and family had to clean out grandmas house ( that is another story:) ) rented uHaul and sent my brother and sister back on the road to Missouri. Grandma and my mom came home a few days following them. It didnt take long for grandma to get worse. I'm so thankful the kids and I got to see her right when they got home because grandma was beautiful. Man was she beautiful that day. I walked in the living and there was grandma in the recliner and she just lite up like a fire cracker. Her smile was like no other. She was telling stories about my grandpa buying her high heels to wear and she couldn't wear those out because once she did they would sink in the ground so she just wore them around the house cleaning for grandpa. She was telling us about her mom having lot of kids and how she just smiled when we talked about my whole brew of kids. She was just so happy to be around her grand kids. Then later that week she went down hill. I saw her again on Saturday and she looked totally different. It broke my heart that someone with such strong faith in the Lord has to go though that. She went to Jesus on Tuesday the 17th. Today we had her memorial with a balloon release in her favorite color. After hte balloon release and a few tears we decided a horse ride would be next. Pioneer grandma is sure smiling I'm sure. My mom brought back alot of old pictures and I cant wait to go though them. Im sad she isnt here but I know she was ready to go. She would wake up and say " Im still here?" Silly grandma!! My heart broke for my mom. The sadness in her eyes is almost to much for me to take. Theres nothing I can do to and that makes it hard. Grandma was 95, she lived a full life and a damn good one. I know in time my mom will heal. My sister and I got her some knock out roses to plant for " grandmas garden" with an angel to go next to it. Should be beautiful! It was such a good day for a goodbye. we watched the balloons until we couldnt see them anymore. the wind took them way way up to the heavens and hopefully Grandma and Grandpa popped them as they went by. Ill always be strong in my old ways and always be stubborn, always stay away from book doctors because my grandma raised her daughter the same way. we love you grandma and hope you saw the love blowing in the wind today.

Blessed Day

Warning- Im tired but wanted to post anyway. If theres lots of errors you know why :)

Thank you Jesus for letting us enjoy this beautiful day with my husband. My kids thank you for letting their daddy be here for a few extras to make memories that will last a life time.

What I am thinking: When the my husband really be home? Every week its another few more weeks, its been like this forever. I hate complaining because I know what a blessing it is to have such a great job, but it comes at the expense of us as a family. One day he will be home and wont have to shed tears as I fold his clothes and pack them back in the totes they came home in. One day ill be able to make dinner for my kids and MY HUSBAND. One day...

What I am thankful for: The job he does have. Im so thankful my mom was able to have a few weeks off work to go to Montana and get her mom who is 95 and no longer can live alone. Im so thankful we are able to see her as we were thinking she would never meet her great grand kids. Looking for tomorrow for sure!

From the school room: Really? well alright then. School is going pretty good. Last week was kind of a slow week school wise as I had alot to do for my mom with her being out of state. I had alot to do for myself also. Thats another reason we love homeschooling, when family calls we can be there for them and its a great learning process for the kiddos. This week we are buckling down and going to get to those owl pellets! I have 10 ready to go and waiting. we went to the Wild Bird Sanctuary with a friend and her son and had a good time looking at all the birds. we went for the owls as we are doing the Prairie Primer with Cody and it fit right in. The little screech owl is so stinking cute!

From the kitchen: I was having a hard time with my red wheat and being so tuff that it would crumble. So I went ahead and added white flour in it and now its perfect! I still need to master the sandwich bread. That one is hard! we are trying to switch over to all or mostly all our snacks and meals from scratch. I do oh so love being able to buy all our snack and lunch foods and get it done real fast but its so not healthy and just a bad habit for the kids. I want them to be able to make all sorts of foods and teach their kids when they are older. Whole foods are the way to go. I have so many diet restrictions from the dyes and gluten that whole foods is just the ticket, like it should be. My grandma from Montana has a dehydrator that just happens to be at my house right now and im going to use that baby like never before. Hannah is ready to make banana chips and apple chips.

What im wearing: yoga pants and a black t shirt with Laurabeth spit up on it. She is really making an outfit change for every hour a habit this weekend. Of course I have wacky socks on- white socks are for dorks duhhh. ;)

What Im reading: Charlotte Mason Companion book. Hello! A must read for homeschoolers.

What I am hoping: That we get a full of week of learning in JOYFULLY. Get my garden plants bought and ready for the lovely garden we busted our rears on today. Im hoping for many laughs from my children and that we learn to stop bickering with one another all the time over silly stuff.

What I am creating: well a nice sore butt from sitting here playing on my new computer my husband bought me last night :) I need a pc that was fast and could handle many thing running at time and boy did he did good! The littles are going to have a blast with phonics now!

I am going: to bed soon because im beat and the little girls are already in bed. I have to wait until Jeff calls and says he made it back to his apartment before I hit the pillow.

What I am hearing: bugs from the window and Hannah and Cody down the basement. well Hannah just came up telling me how cold it is down there. Shes right, its freezing! Time to close the windows.

Around the house: Well I have a list a mile long from the husband to do this week and my list of normal stuff. I also need to pack away the Christmas stuff that is still out. Yes people I still have Christmas stuff out. Im a weirdo and love Christmas. The cds stay out all year, just ask my kids what our trips to Indiana are like :)

One of my favorite things: nursing Laurabeth in the early morning. Its still quiet and she is so sweet and warm. The sun is coming up and she is just so peaceful. I love when Jolene wakes up and calls my name and we sit in my chair and rock while she take her bottle. Again the early morning quiet with the babies is the best way to start my day.

Few plans for the week: library, my moms, stables, piano, Royal Rangers, Micheal's and then im staying home!

My prayer for you who are reading this blog: Dear Lord I pray you bless all those who stop by here to read the happenings in our home. Lord bless them with JOY and the desire to serve you with their all. Amen.

Are we there yet?!

Mud is good for a girls skin.

Here is my husbands burnt apartment. His is on the left bottom. Under the porch with the 2 windows you can our sofa and the upstairs floor on it. The whole building is gutted and they will be knocking it down this week. His bedroom is the far left window with the gutter hanging in it.

My favorite moments....

Those are the words I say to myself alot. Are we there yet? Meaning am I were I want to be as a mother, a wife, a friend, a stranger? I have spent a good part of my life always in the shadow or running in my head the thoughts of am I enough or good enough for?? I became a mom at 15 gave birth at 16. I was young but I knew God made me a mom for a reason and I grabbed that and ran with it. I never gave a thought about what others thought about my parenting. I had my second child at 18. Again knowing full well what I was doing. Never thought twice about a dang thing and my oldest kids are some AMAZING kids! I was relaxed and a free spirit about things. Learning was outside and enjoyable. I was a single mom from the get go. But I had an awesome mom and family for support. Some how I managed to lose my joy and free spirit for a few years and lost the person I was. I lost the feeling of love and became so wrapped up in what everyone thought and on my goodness how I raised my kids. We lost the JOY of what parenting really is. I lost the laughs, the pure awww feeling when my child did something. Until recently. My sister a bunch of weeks ago was talking to me about how she never let anyone tell her this and that about her family and she dont care what others think because its her family etc.... Thats when I remembered well duhhhh what the heck I was I doing for these past couple years. I lost a good 2 years of caring what people had planned for us and what they thought on my parenting. Im not trying to mean but now its like shut up please! I dont care if what we are doing isnt your idea of cool or popular. I dont care if you think we are weird backwoods freaks. We are finally happy, finally we know what clicks and what doesn't. I make the plans, I decide if we watch this or not. We have laughs we have smiles, we have peace and we have LOVE back in this house.Knowing my husband will back home and with is makes our smile a little bigger( maybe after the first few weeks of getting a routine with him.) I have relaxed on alots.Im a loud person in general always have been and that wont change. Although im sure my kids have moments when they wish id be quiet! I need to work on being a little more soft. Ill work on that. My biggest change was the way we school. Again not all my children are relaxed learners. Hannah is very text bookie. But for my Cody its been along 5 years of schooling and we honestly haven't gotten very far. For a while there I was unschooling him and he did amazing and loved learning without knowing he was doing "school". Then those nasty years came in and I thought I was doing it wrong and bam we hit a road. Im not unschooling him now but we no longer use the text books on him. I have an English book for myself and thats it. I have him write bible verses, poems, stories anything to get him writing. HE DOESN'T COMPLAIN! We are doing Prairie Primer again only because HE loves it and I though lots into for him. He likes learning again. Yes thats right my stub burn book throwing pencil breaking child likes his school again! Oh my oh my. People I have to tell you I feel wonderful as a parent again and its so nice to laugh with my kids. The messes are always here and thats just a season for this. I have a house of littles and littles causes messes. If you cant handle that then you dont need to come over and WASTE my time. I cant always have a clean and spotless house and be a happy mom also. If you can awesome, but for me I can do the dishes after they go to bed, im going to take that walk they want. I can laundry later, im going to play that card game they want. Of course we still teach our children we have chores and we must work before play BUT in a relaxed way. Dont like? Thats ok it works for us. We are happy and content.
Ok enough of that. Last week my husbands apartment building burnt down and he lost everything that he had there. Which was alot because he has been in Indiana for 18 months now. He got out and just watched the fire take that building to nothing. It was by far a scary night for me being 4 hours away and not being able to hold him and touch him and know FOR SURE he as ok. But the kids and me did go there for few days and got him into a new bigger apartment for the last few weeks of him working outa state with out us. I got there and had to do the wife pat down on him so I knew for sure he was 100% ok! He was! We also got a new home for our dog Buzz. He is a black lab mix and a guy wanted to train him to be a duck hunter. Praise God for that. We didnt have the time to train him and he is such a good dog. We miss him but know he is in a good home. I got chickens and a turkey now under the light hoping that a fox doesnt come again and kill them all.Last year we lost my whole flock to a wild animal. Not this year! Alright I better go I have wild Indians running around here. P.S...... YES WE ARE THERE :)

One stitch at a time...

The thread that is life started coming undone one stitch at a time when my husband took an out a state job. The first night he left for the first week long stay was a little over 18 months ago. That was stitch one undone. Since that time we have or should I say the children and I, have moved into the home my husband built, added a new baby, had a child diagnosed with Asperger's, had serious child training issues etc. I have been depressed more than ever.One stitch at a time we slowly fall apart but I cant complain because while all this is being done my husband is out of state working his butt off so we can have all we need. He is amazing. AMAZING! He never complains about working or this and that. But he is now to the point where he HATES IT. Can you imagine for a minute trying to leave the house with a wife and 6 kids crying for you to stay? With a 5 year wrapped around your legs begging you not to leave? How about a 4 year old at your feet asking and begging for all of us to go with? A 2 year old waving good bye because her WHOLE life this has been her normal? This will no longer happen to my family. In a few weeks my husband will be home. My kids will longer beg their daddy to stay. My kids can have all 3 meals with their mom AND daddy. I will have that much needed support at home. I will get a BREAK! SO we wont have a pay check coming during this time, but we aren't worried about it. God has us on this path and we fully take it. Theres huge reasons behind the 18 months of being apart, what it is we dont know. Maybe is the fact we realized how important family is. Maybe it was for the closeness my husband and the Lord have now. Maybe it was to see if my hair can change to ALL gray in 18 months. We dont know the reason why but we know God is good and He is leader of family. We follow. Tonight was I think my hardest night of saying goodbye. Im a basket case and so over whelmed with everything. Im so relieved that the next job out a state we all will be going. Makes it so much easier to handle.

What im thinking: Why a time change?

What im praying: For Carol who is 9 with cancer and on my mind. Her sweet brothers.My grandma who is 95 and having retaining water.

What im hearing: fish tank going and TV on.The noise from the hwy is loud tonight.

What we will do this week: Monday we have the bank,library and Hannahs day at the stables.Tuesday another day for Hannah at the stables. Wednesday Royal Rangers for Cody. Thursday dentist and chiropractor.Friday Dare to Share for Hannah and sleep over at grandmas for Cody.

Learning room: Im loving the curriculum change with Cody. No more text books and it feels so good. We are doing The Prairie Primer again but this time doing it in order and the whole thing. He loves it! The homeschooling expo is coming up and Im so excited.

What im reading: ?

Cooking: Tomorrow Ill be doing bread and English muffin bread. Homemade butter.

Changes around here: ALOT.

Because I can!

2 of my boys waiting for the horses to come to them.

Ethan with the horse he will ride for his therapy. The contentedness with horses for children with Aspergers is so amazing. Hannah is volunteering there twice a week to help with horses around the barn.Such a blessing.

My sister Amber and my 2 year old Jolene.

Sisters!

Im beautiful yes I know :)

Hannah banana grating our soap for laundry.

So we have struggled for 5 years now on how to get my country boy to comprehend what he is reading. Everyday we pulled out the text books and sat down to what is an agonizing few hours of trying to read and worksheets and quizzes only to find he cant remember what we read. Who says your child child needs to spend x time in a text book? Who says our quizzes cant be fun and verbal? Why cant we have tests that are hands on? We parents get caught up in the everyday life and we go through our schooling in a box and think this what we are suppose to do. Ummm I homeschool because I don't want my kids to learn like the public school. I don't want someone telling me this is how tests are suppose to be given or I have to even give them. I hate tests. I didn't like them in school so why I do I feel the need to give them to my children? Yes in high school they need them but from 8th down I think not. As homeschoolers we have to remember WE choose HOW WE LEARN. No one but my husband will be in charge of what we do. My son doesn't do well with text books at all. He lights up when we read library books and we go outside and explore with our books. He loves being in the kitchen and making math come to his hands. He doesn't learn a thing sitting at the table trying to read a boring science lesson. So what do I do now for school with him? We switched over to unit studies. i have guide lines I go by with what WE feel he should be learning right now and we go with it. Right now we are learning about birds. we put feeders up and got books and posters on the different birds in our state. For art he goes down to the creek with his notebook and sits quietly watching. This is my mans happy place. He comes flying through the door with excitement telling me all about what he saw. He learns so much more this way. Its amazing. I have an older daughter who is all text books and cant learn any other way. She thrives from having a text book and lessons in front her. Its all about the child and what works for them. My kindergartners are just in the swing of things. They like it all. With My Fathers World K its so working for them. I'm writing this post just to remind you homeschooling mommy's that if your teaching isn't working then change it. Thats one reason we teach at home, so we can let our children grow the way God intended them to. Each child has a different learning path and its our job to find and let it grow. So it took me 5 years with this one but theres a reason for it......ill let you know when I find it :)

This, that and the other.

Sorry its blurry but Jolene is beyond cute when Hannah dresses her.

School is under way :)

Again, Hannah dresses her!

Hannah at her happiest! The library.

Our baby whisperer Cody.

Time always flies and I never notice until I check my blog. We have been busy here on the Ownby homestead. Basketball season came to an end last Saturday with the last game making me sweat just watching. Cody did amazing and learned so much.We are looking forward to next season. Hannah is preparing for her piano recital. Always hearing her play is one of the joys I love about being home. Cody has also join Royal Rangers and I have to say that this is the neatest thing ever.Its christian boy scouting! LOVE LOVE LOVE it. We have been working on his derby car for his race this coming weekend. I think Daddy is really looking forward to this. My little guys tried to Rangers but screamed and cried when I left so we decided we would try later in the year. The 3 boys will be doing karate this spring together. Something their dad says they need. Cody and Hannah did karate for a long while but we moved and added many kids since then. Jolene is my tomboy princess. Love that smile she gives. Boy does she love crafts and school.She is only 2 and screams for paper and marker to work. Shes such a lover. Chase was in the hospital a few weeks ago. We thought he had a nut shell stuck in his throat because he couldn't eat and he screamed and cried whenever he would try. It started when he was eating nuts so we put 2 and 2 together. I took him in the ER and they did an xray and it showed nothing. So we went on our merry way. The pain wouldn't go away and it was getting worse and worse. So we headed back to the children's ER and kept us over night. The next day they put my poor sweet little to sleep( which is the hardest thing for a parent to see). They scoped his GI track and found he has a big nasty ulcer on the top part of his tummy. The doctor said it was from a viral infection and it happened to cause an ulcer. So he is on percacid once a day for 6weeks to 4 months. He is doing much much better. The first few days after the hospital he didnt want to eat because he was afraid it would hurt. Once that med kicked in we cant get him to stop eating. Praise the Lord! My boy is eating and gaining his weight back. God is good. Laurabeth is playing with toys and talking to us. Laughing like crazy. I love it! Someone is always holding her which is delaying her rolling over and sitting up. Not really but thats what we say. She is everywhere. She is a whopping 17 pounds now. We grow them big! Ethan is a master at school. We get alot of melts downs from him but we roll with it. He loves writing and making playdduh things. He looks up to Cody like crazy.

As far as school we are plugging along expect for today. I had my tooth pulled this morning so the kids have the day off. Its totally beautiful outside but so stinkin windy its stupid to be out. We had massive storms come though last night south of us and really did alot of damage. Of course my the worlds biggest baby when it comes to storms so I managed to work myself into a nightmare and that caused me to wake up sweating bullets and scared out of my mind. See what happens when the husband works away from the home! We will do a unit study on weather next talking about tornado's and storms. We are having a hard time some of our text books and im thinking we will sell them and jump right into My Fathers World year 2. We have the Homeschool Convention coming up and Ill buy it there. I cant wait for the convention!!

This house still doesnt feel like home to me. My mom bless her heart has been making me really neat paintings and things to help the homie feel but honestly this house just doesnt work for me. I love it dont get me wrong. My husband isnt here to make it complete. I always feel like im being watched and just uncomfortable all the time. Our lights are on 24/7. Even at night my house is usually lit like the 4th of July. The husband is ready to rip out the hardwood and lay carpet in the living room. He is going to redo the kitchen floor. We have light hardwood all over the house and with this many kids ans spills and water problems we have the hardwood in the kitchen is getting ruined fast. Yes my friends we have been here 1 year and already redoing alot! He just replaced the gate we had at the top of the stairs because my hulk of a son ripped it off the wall! Now we have a huge metal gate that im sure they will break. We also broke the under leg on my 10 man table! Mom you need to come fix that ok? I just got off the phone with my sister and my mouth is bleeding again so I must go. Blessings.